Sometimes it really feels like the universe is playing pile on. Now is one of those times for me. For a month we have had one sucky thing after another happen. Big life-changing ones and little nagging ones. Before yesterday, they were exhausting and a little scary. Today, I’m really knocked off my foundation.
My Pumpkin.
I am beyond sad to say that my sweet little goat Pumpkin is no longer with us.
Less than a week ago I noticed some behavior that might have indicated urinary calculi, a condition when “stones” lodge in the urinary tract and prevent urination. I consulted an expert and we determined I had been caring for him properly and maybe his prolonged “peeing stance” was caused by leftover hormones that can show themselves from time to time.
I had been watching him carefully. Very carefully. He was fine until yesterday afternoon, when his behavior abruptly changed. The vet was called and arrived quickly. A procedure was performed but it was unsuccessful. My choices were clear. Either immediate euthanization or emergency surgery done at the Colorado State University Veterinary Teaching Hospital.
Pumpkin and I made the drive north to Fort Collins and were at the hospital within an hour.
I was greeted by four wonderful women, one the head doctor, who proceeded to go to work. Ultrasound was done, results were promising. Dr. Andi said Pumpkin would immediately go into surgery and to expect a call around 1am. Hopes were high. He was being a trooper, and seemed like he was enjoying the attention from the ladies. I gave Pumpkin a kiss, hugged his neck, looked into those sweet eyes and told him I’d see him the next day.
I got the call – the worst possible news. His entire urinary system was full of stones, more than they had ever seen in a young goat. There was no option that would allow him to live a happy goat life.
He deserved only a happy, healthy life.
So here I am, all cried out and feeling like I got sucker punched. My only consolation, and it’s not much of one, is that my care did not cause these kinds of stones and even it I had taken him to the vet six days ago or six weeks ago the outcome would not be different. Dr. Andi used the term idiopathic, meaning they didn’t know what caused him to have them, much less so many of them.
He was such a sweet little man. He was a voracious nibbler and more than one of my t-shirts have the holes to prove it. He was shy and not demanding of my attention, but much like Lucy the chicken would follow me around, close but not too close. He was, however, completely capable of standing his ground with Brandy. He took no flack from her, and I think he always got in the last head butt. He loved, loved, loved his animal cracker treats.
What a funny little man he was!
The barnyard is noticeably subdued today. Sambuca, of course, is the most confused. Last night as I was down on the floor of the shed with Pumpkin, holding his sweet head in my lap and waiting for the vet, Sammy was front and center on the other side, sticking his nose through the wire fence and paying very close attention to his best friend. Today before feeding time he was standing outside the shed door, where they both stood every morning patiently waiting for breakfast. But he was alone.
Best friends forever.
I have lost four animals this summer, two from predators and two from illness. I frankly don’t know if I’m up to this anymore. I hope I feel differently soon, but this hurts too much right now. I’m not cut out for all this death.
You will be missed, Pumpkin.
I would like to thank Dr. Flinchum, my goat vet for his speedy arrival and skilled attention on a Sunday evening and all of the doctors and students at CSU for what I know was the best care possible.
Thanks to all of you reading this, too. And please give your animals – whether they have two legs or four, fur or feathers, live in the barnyard or in the house – give ’em an extra hug from me and Pumpkin.
(Shared at Homestead Barn Hop, Clever Chicks, From The Farm, Old-Fashioned Friday, HomeAcre Hop, Simple Lives Thursday, Down Home Hop, Backyard Farming Connection, Tuesdays With A Twist, Maple Hill Hop and Thank Goodness It’s Monday.)
Oh Joan, I am so sad for you. Your words of love for Pumpkin just spill from the page. Through your eyes we knew his funny unique character. He was definitely one of kind. I am so sorry to hear he has passed. Many hugs to you and your family.
I am so sad for your loss. You and Sammy will feel better in time, although right now that seems impossible. Eventually, as the days pass your tears will stop and your heartache will be replaced with fond memories and laughter of all of the funny antics Pumpkin was known for doing. Your shirts with the holes that he made and your photographs of him will bring smiles and laughter once again.
You are so right that we should cherish the ones we love because giving love and feeling loved and the power of touch are all that really matters in the end.
May God bless you and give you the strength to love again, the joy that it brings will far outweigh the sad.
Many hugs to you and barnyard family.
Tears. Painful loss. Things will turn around soon.
So, so sorry for your loss! What a sweet, handsome goat Pumpkin was. I hope you, and Sambuca especially, heal from this loss as best you can. Be well.
Joan, I am so very sorry that you lost your little goat. It is impossible not to get emotionally attached to these creatures we find in our care.
My heart goes out to you and all of Pumpkin’s barnyard friends. So much loss in so little time is extremely daunting but I hope you continue to keep your personal sanctuary because it is very apparent they bring you much joy and you are so generous to share it with others.
When you mentioned the hole chewed t-shirts, I immediately envisioned using one of them as a backdrop in a framed picture of Pumpkin.
I’m going outside now to give out those hugs to my menagerie. Take care.
Joan, I’m so sorry to learn of your heartache. It sounds like Pumpkin was a sweet goat.
Soooooooooo sorry to be reading this! Just had a few minutes between projects at work and decided to check my blog stream – big mistake. Bad enough reading while at work, but crying?!? 🙁 I don’t even know you/them, but if anything ever happens to Brandy/Doink, I’ll really be a mess! People can say what they want about the whole circle of life bit, but I understand it not getting any easier for you. I’d be the same way for sure. HUGS!!
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Oh no! Pumpkin was such a sweetie pie and flourished in your care. You’re such a good mama to all of your beings. The whole circle of life thing sucks… I know your guy now has the high watch over you and your barnyard, I hope in time that will bring you peace. So sorry Joan ((hugs)) hoping this trend of loss stops…
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I am SO sorry to hear of Pumpkin’s passing, and I’m sure he knew you loved him very much. Your article is so sad- we had to put down our Oberhasli wether this past month for the same reason. And the ‘procedure’ didn’t work on him either, but knowing that the diagnosis was likely to involve lifelong care and medical attention, we chose to put him out of his misery and told him we’ll see him later….he was so sweet, let us hug him, trusted us. I felt the weight of all my animals and wondered if I could continue, too. My doe and 5 babies were there to hold and hug, so helped immensely. I’ll be commiserating with you. Pumpkin looked like a sweet boy…
So sorry to hear of your loss, Pumpkin was such a sweetie. Hugs.
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There are no words that will ease your sorrow, but know that we are mourning with you. In my first year of farming I hit the same kind of wall you have slammed. While I was cleaning the barn one morning, I listened to a public radio interview with an ex-academic who had left the university to work with his wife on her family’s farm. The first poem in his newly published book began: “Farming is easy. Half of it is learning death.” Somehow, that comforted me a little. Hope it helps you. You’re not alone.
Oh, Joan, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Please don’t give up. You have a way with animals (and words!). Hang in there!
I’m so very sorry to hear about your Pumpkin. What a sad story. I know how hard it is when beloved pets die…..nothing helps, except time. Praying that you and all will be doing better soon!
So sorry to hear about Pumpkin!!! I know that little farm of yours and the animals are such a huge part of your family now. Take care and know that with time, the heart will heal! Love and hugs!
I’m so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and a healing of your heart.
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Oh my goodness, you poor woman! To lose such a wonderful goat – he really was quite handsome – after everything else that has happened this summer! I am so sorry. I don’t own an animal to pet right now (my son took our cat to college with him) but our neighbor’s cat will get some extra love this morning! 🙂
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Tears……… Huggs XXXXXXXXXXXX
I am so sorry for your loss of Pumpkin. It’s never easy to lose a fur or feathered family member, but I pray you will find comfort in the memories of Pumpkin and the love from your other animals.
I’m so sorry that you lost poor Pumpkin. It sounds like he was very well-loved and well-taken-care-of. I pray that your future will be brighter from here on; you’ve had to bear a lot lately.
Kathi at Oak Hill Homestead
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I lost my last older sweet her yesterday so I hear you. So sad…
Hi Joan, Today is the first day I read your blog — just found you from the Barnhop over at Elliott’s Homestead. I am so sorry to hear of our loss. Thank you for sharing so transparently about Pumpkin and the others on your farm. Blessings for time to heal.
I am so sorry for your lose. This has been a bad year for animals . Several of my blogger friends have lost animals, we also lost our beloved dog.
I am so sorry about Pumpkin. He was such a beautiful goat. I hope you feel better soon.
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So sorry for your loss. Pumpkin looked like a sweet little goat.
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So sorry Joan for your run of bad luck. I am sure it will turn and there will be lot’s of joy to come. I feel your pain at the loss of Pumpkin but he was well loved and enriched your life during his time with you. Thank you for sharing the good times and the bad. It is always so hard for us to lose one of our beloved animals but they do bring so much laughter while they are with us. Sending you a big hug.
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I am so sorry to hear of your losing Pumpkin. I cannot imagine the heartbreak of what you are going through right now. Hugs and prayers from Texas
I am sorry to hear about your loss 🙁
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How devastating. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any experience with barnyard animals but it sounds like you love them as much as I love my dog Milo. I know you are hurting. Maybe seeing if there is an animal at a shelter that needs rescue could help. I live in a city and the shelters often get rabbits or even chickens. If you aren’t ready, give it time. See how you feel before you make any future decisions.
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I have been without internet for several days and have only just seen this post. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, Joan. It’s devastating when this happens – but good to remember that Pumpkin had a good life with you. Be kind to yourself. Grief needs space, whether it’s for a human or an animal. Big hugs.
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SO so sorry to hear about Pumpkin – he sounds like a trooper. You must be devastated, but it is at least good to know that you gave him the best possible care.
I am so sorry for your loss. We had a number of deaths recently and although they all suck, the loss of one of my special hens has hit me really hard so I know what you are going through. Take solace in the fact that you provided him with the best possible care, loved him and treated him well. No animal could ask for more.
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How awful for you, Joan. I am so sorry for your loss.
Love and hugs from my backyard to your barnyard at this difficult time for everyone. ♥
Kathy
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I am sorry for you loss. I know too well the feeling that everything has gone wrong. I got the call in February that my horse of 17 years was down. I made a 2 hour drive in under an hour. She was euthanized Feb 7,2014 at 11:03am. I have lost four barn cats, two ducks, a favorite laying hen, two rescued baby goats, two entire litters of rabbits. One housecat needed emergency surgery in August, and yesterday my four year old husky had surgery to remove a cancerous tumor…which we were told is going to be back soon and there is nothing further we can do. She’s asleep on the couch next to me. I know i’ll be digging ANOTHER grave too soon. There are days, weeks, even MONTHS that all you can do is set your heels in the dirt and dig in. Keep your head down and plow forward. Just get through it. Don’t try to feel better about the situation-sometimes there is no silver lining and that’s okay. I am at the point that I am not looking for the glowing optimism anymore. I want to wake up on January 1, 2015 and yell at the top of my lungs that this year did not break me. I’m just keeping my head down and plowing through until then.